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“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The experts say we have nearly 70,000 thoughts per day. Most of which is not helpful. I call this noise. Instruments banging with no coordinated effor to make beautiful music.

The other day I was sitting in Starbucks waiting for a friend. Knowing I would arrive early I brought a book I was excited to read.  This book has a little bit of everything. “Faith”, sprinkled with a little bit of “personal development” and held together with great storytelling. The perfect combination to shift gears from “work mode” to “leisure”.

Now, I haven’t been to a Starbucks with a book since college, and boy, how things have changed.  The tile walls, wood seating with impressively vertical seat backs, and metal tables seem to have replaced the comfy couches I remember.

As I “settled in” to my chair – and by “settled” I mean a vertical posture I probably hadn’t experienced all day – it started. I turned open the book and my mind was filled with thoughts of the best gaming system to buy.

It didn’t take me long to realize the conversations of the patrons in this tiny store with its tile walls and wood furniture had staked a place in my mind. I tried my best to block it out, to no avail.

Awe yes, the noise. Sometimes the noise is loud enough that it maintains its unhelpful position at the forefront of my mind.

And although the actual noise that comes from sitting in a tile box with other patrons can produce an “unhelpful” noise, that is not the “noise” I am referring to.

There is the noise of opinions. Not just the opinions of others, because if you are over the age of 40 hopefully that is less of an “issue”, but your opinion of you. That too, is an unhelpful noise that can be the little bug that is corrupting the entire operating system.

How does it make you feel when you realize you “gave up” on your New Year resolution?

How do you feel when you realize you haven’t exercises and/or done your rehab in over a week?

How do you feel when you get angry and lash out at a friend or family member?

How do you feel when you know your “job is on the line”?

How do you feel when you have been diagnosed with a catastrophic health condition that has resulted from some of your behaviors?

Do you judge your past decisions?

If so, how do you judge your past decisions?

Do any of the above situations turn into a story about who you are as a human?

Do you ever conclude that “this is just who I am” or “I will always be this way”?

If so, is it helpful?

If not, there is a better way.

Now, back to my Starbucks story. I had two options when I noticed the noise in the metal box was drowning out the uplifting, beautiful, life-giving words on the pages in front of me. One, focus “harder” on the words on the page. Or two, move and wait for my friend at an outdoor table. Unfortunately, it was 50 degrees on that particular day and this blood wasn’t designed for that 😊 And option one, with my ADD brain, focusing “harder” wasn’t going to work. So, I opted for option 3.  I decided to journal a little and accept the fact that I would know a little more about the best games that have been released this year.

Here is the reality. Humans are “opinion machines”.  It makes the world makes sense and allows us to prepare for the future.

It provides a sense of certainty.

“This person is bad, and might do harm. Therefore, I must protect myself”.

Or worse, “I behaved poorly, so I am bad and must protect myself from myself”.

The opinion of others about you is useless. Including the opinions of your health care providers. Not their expert opinion about your care, but their opinion about you as a human.

But equally true, more often than not, your opinion about you is also unhelpful.

If you think “you are bad”, you will feel shame, guilt, resentment, bitterness and on and on.

If you think you are “good”, you might sense the allure of pride and placing unfair judgement on others. Also, not helpful.

The best place to be is….. is in the midst of the crowd keep with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

I can honestly tell you I know nothing more about games and/or gaming systems than I did the day before I walked into that Starbucks. Despite, in the moment, recalling every single word of the conversation at the table next to me.

Why? Because the information isn’t helpful and unnecessary.

Every day, you and I have a choice.

Do you allow the noise of other’s opinions and even your own opinions of you dominate your story?

These are the opportunities to refocus your attention on solitude. And, the sweetness of independence.

Are you spending your time in the wrong “rooms” with unhelpful conversations?

These are the opportunities to potentially leave the room and focus your attention on solitude. And, the sweetness of independence (of thought).

At the end of the day, you are good because you were created for goodness. Full stop. But it requires letting go of the temporal and hanging on to the eternal.