Slow and steady wins

Setting “big goals” is over-rated.

When I started my Youtube channel, I wanted to make videos that helped people. I never had a “subscriber goal”. In hindsight, if I had any expectations, it would have been around 2,000.

You see, I am susceptible to potential overwhelm. So, for better or worse, I don’t like to have high expectations for new endeavors.

That said, last year, as many of you know, I set out to learn Japanese. In my ignorance, I thought I would be able to have basic conversations in 1 year.

I started out with a ton of motivation. Words seemed to be coming back to me from my childhood (when I remember listening to my mom talk on the phone with her family). I recalled my 3 trips to Japan (as a young child) and how quickly I was able to pick up on basic sentences in just a few short weeks.

Surely, with a little more dedication and the structure of a textbook, I would accomplish my goal.

However, my early momentum quickly faded. This coincided with some new goals for my online community (which many of you have benefitted from 😊) and my business. And suddenly I realized I had gone an entire week without picking up my Japanese textbook, canceled my Japanese coaching calls, and stopped listening/shadowing practice.

The goal devolved quickly to the point of believing it wasn’t meant to be. I am too old and want to use my time for more important things at this stage in life.

I had completely lost sight of my “why”.

• I want to talk to my Japanese family
• I want to visit Japan someday and be able to communicate
• I LOVE the process of learning something challenging
• I want to keep my brain healthy

Once I came back to the heart of why I started in the first place, next, I recognized my error (that caused me to stop completely)……. my original goal……. “To speak fluently with my family”.

I have heard it said that you should shoot for the moon (and at the very least) you have a chance of landing amongst the stars.

And yes, this might work for some people. Until it doesn’t.

And this is what I see more often than not.

People diagnosed with neurodegenerative diseases giving up on life because it is not meeting their expectations

People getting discouraged in their neuro rehab because they are not progressing as quickly as they expected.

People who choose to stop exercising altogether in exchange for something more “important” (family, serving, “earning”….etc)

Choosing to stop pursuing a goal is not “bad”. In fact, for some people it is necessary to maintain or re-establish a lifestyle you enjoy waking up for.

Case and point…. I know many, many people who live life in a wheelchair and are genuinely living their best life.  In fact, sometimes, when conversing with such an individual, it is as if I am the only one in the room who knows the wheelchair exists.

Here is the point. “Goals” aren’t about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Working, learning, growing, overcoming, enduring, building……..

Nudging yourself toward a better version of you, IS somewhat of a sprinkle of gold infused into each and every day.

I remember at the beginning of last year telling my Japanese cousin I was excited to be reconnecting with her on a weekly basis (which we are still doing). And “if it takes me 10 years to learn, I was enjoying the process”. Our conversations have turned more toward me helping her with her English, but I digress. 😊

In the light of the memory of that conversation, (and the reality of all of these other goals I want to accomplish), I re-established a plan. I committed to listening/reading a 20 min Japanese shadowing lesson 3x/week. I am about 3 weeks into this revised plan.  And you know what? I am amazed at how much I am learning. The lessons are short, but they get my undivided attention. I am not thinking about all the other things, I also want to accomplish. I am not thinking about how much I still don’t understand. I am enjoying the time of learning something. Maybe it is just a new particle, or sentence structure, or further “hardwiring” a word/phrase.

A little bit of something is way better than a whole lot of nothing.

Many years ago I ran a marathon “with” a friend. She came to Orlando from out of town just to run the Disney marathon. Little did I know that her goal was more about Mickey and less about the actual race. As we unloaded our pre-race gear and started to move to the start line, I couldn’t help but notice she still had a camera around her neck. I immediately jumped in to help thinking she had forgotten to “unload” the camera. To my confusion, this was not an error. But how could she finish with a reasonable time with that very large DSLR camera around her neck? And how on earth would she be able to run and take pictures?

We continued to the starting line, the gun went off, and after slowly moving through the crowd of people, I notice my friend was no longer near me. I finished the race, and with a metal around my neck and (more important to me) a time I was proud of. But more than that, I was glad it was over. I waited and watched the clock. 3:45. 4:00. 4:30. 4:45. All this time thinking I can’t imagine still being out there. I can’t imagine how miserable I would be if I were still running. Finally, I see the happiest runner I had seen all day. My friend. Camera in hand.

With little attention given to the medal place around her neck signifying the accomplishment, she raced over to show me her pictures. Micky in front of the castle. Goofey, Donald……. in front of what she believes were the highlights of the race. In my, again confusion, wait, there were characters along the course? 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 people. Similar goals. Different outcomes. Equal pride and enjoyment of the end result. 😊

But this is not about me.

And

I acknowledge a “voluntary goal” (outside of meeting my basic care needs) is way different than you might be facing.

If you think that your situation is different. You would be correct.

But here is the thing, there is someone, somewhere in your exact situation who IS making progress. And, they ARE enjoying the process. Maybe they have lowered their expectations. Maybe they have chosen to enjoy the “characters” they are meeting along the journey. Or, maybe, like my relationship with long distance races, they don’t LOVE every step of the process, but love the results.

I have the amazing opportunity to witness people accomplish amazing things on a weekly basis.

People who are still making progress years after their stroke.

People who show only small mobility issues after years of living with a neurodegenerative condition.

People who are excited to come to therapy to show me a new movement. Even if it is just a “shoulder flicker” or taking one more step than they had the previous session.

These are the stories that are the foundation of my belief that progress is always possible. 3 years, 5 years, 10 years after a neurologic injury.

And,

If someone, somewhere can do it, so can you.

That marathon was years ago. Today, I don’t “love” running fast. I love getting out there and putting one foot in front of the other. I don’t care if I run 5 miles or 10 miles. In fact, most days I set a goal of 3 miles and anything beyond that is just bonus. This is how I get myself out the door.

So, what will you choose?

If you are happy with where you are at in your recovery, and you dread the time you “need to” spend on your therapy, I implore you to consider taking a break.

However, if you slightly dislike the process but get a little excited about showing up, keep showing up.

If necessary, lower your expectations. Dissociate from the outcome. Rediscover your why. Meditate on the way you felt the last time you showed up and accomplished something you didn’t think was possible. Savor that feeling.

You CAN be better tomorrow than you are today. You CAN enjoy the process even if your feeling’s might occasionally get in the way.

If you have already given up and abandoned the goal, how can you get back on track? Can you lower your expectations? What is the smallest possible thing that you can do to make you proud of you? Do that.

A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.

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