Holes in the “Worry-Free Philosophy”

Don’t worry, be happy.

If you were around in the 80’s, you probably “chilled out” to a Jamaican singer convincingly selling the idea that even if “someone came and took my bed”….. “I could still be happy”.  I sang it “note for note” because I surely didn’t want my “expected trouble, to become double”. 😊

Don’t worry. Be happy.

But my 20’s would not have been complete without the emergence of a warthog singing me a new song. Who could have made it through without Hakuna Matata. I mean, nothing better than a problem-freeeeeeeee……..philosophyyyyyyyy………for the rest of my dayyyyssss…..

You know you’re an 80’s child if…..

Needless to say, these song’s made an impact. And maybe even shaped my view of what is important in life.

Life should be worry-free. Life should be problem-free. Life should be happy.

And yes, I agree these songs can draw you out of the rabbit hole of rumination. If you don’t believe me, try playing don’t worry, be happy and be anxious simultaneously.

Hedonic well-being is the idea that life can be fulfilling if you seek pleasurable experiences. This is extremely effective in minimizing negative emotions and said experiences.

I will be the first to proclaim that hedonic well-being is a real thing.  And it works.  From personal experience, I have never met a negative emotion that could not be temporarily mitigated or avoided with the sound of Hakuna Matata playing in the background AND an amazon box. 😬

Nothing better than a singing warthog and a little retail therapy for all to be right with the world. 😊

But I have noticed this can be a slippery slope.

There are times when I want to do something difficult and choose not to because the “worry” might exceed my threshold.

In other words, hard things have the potential to disrupt my “problem-free philosophy”.  🎶

In these moments, it might be necessary to adopt another “philosophy”.

Enter Eudaimonic Well-being. (source: positivepsychology.com)

Eu- , meaning good, and –daemon meaning (in part) “guiding spirit”.

Aristotle connected eudemonia with virtuous living.

Eudemonia is not without it’s critics. However, it can be useful if you are “growth minded”. Meaning you want to grow, and you believe you are capable of improving through practice, effort, and learning.

Per the same article, eudemonic well-being includes self-fulfillment, virtue-oriented living, and long-term flourishing.

About 2 years ago I went back to regularly attending church after about an 8 year hiatus. I came out of a phase where I believed that attending a physical church wasn’t necessary for me to live my Christian faith.

And as much as I still believe it isn’t “necessary”, it has been beneficial in so much that I have been surrounded by people who allow a higher power to work through them to serve ALL of humanity.

Now, no one is perfect and ALL humans fall short of the great commission.

However, I have noticed something that can’t be denied. When someone is in the mindset of what they believe to be “virtuous-living”, it IS “pleasurable”.

And, when someone is in the state of “seeking pleasure”, there seems to be less of it. But this might need to be a musing for another day.

Back to virtuous living and my new friend, Nancy.

Nancy is in her 70’s and I have yet to meet a moment where she isn’t smiling.

And

I have yet to hear her tell a story that doesn’t give me the impression that life is heaven on earth.

Case and point, the other day I inquired about her obvious limp that was not present on our previous encounter. Without hesitating she proceeded with “I am so blessed”.

Come again?

“The other day I tripped on a rug and almost fell, but I didn’t! I could have broken a hip!”

I thought to myself…. Wait, but you tripped? And now you are in pain and are limping?

But my internal dialogue was short-lived as she quickly moved on to talk about the pot holders she is knitting to raise money for the youth group. Some things are just more important. 😊

As I think about hedonic well-being, eudemonic well-being, and hacking the code to a life well lived, I can’t help but think my generation might have had a little too much Bob Marley.

Life should be good. Yes.

And…..

There is the potential that choosing to do hard things, attached to something “virtuous” has greater “life-fulfillment”.

Is it easy? No.

Is it possible to do things you currently think are impossible?

Absolutely.

It starts with surrounding yourself with an army of “Nancy’s”. Maybe it isn’t church, but there are groups of people that are the type of person you would like to be or are doing the thing you wish you could do. And I am not talking one or two people. Especially if you have a huge hill to climb or wall to hurdle. You need an army so big, that you can’t help but be pulled up the mountain and over the barriers that you will face.

If you are a regular reader, here is what I know to be true about you. You want to be better. You want to be “healthier”.

And here is the reality…..

Improving your health when you have multiple health conditions is not easy. And there are far more enjoyable things than going to the gym and eating healthy (if you are not used to this lifestyle).

“I know I should exercise, but there is nothing I enjoy doing”.

“I know I should drink more water, but I don’t enjoy the taste”

“I know I shouldn’t eat fast food, but I really enjoy it and I don’t like the taste of vegetables and other healthy stuff”

I use “health” as an example, but we all do this in various areas of our life.

Regardless of the situation/emotion/circumstance, when you choose “pleasure” over something else you know you “should be doing”, there is a reason.

Are you avoiding a painful emotion? Maybe failing? Maybe disappointment if you don’t get the desired result?

Are you avoiding physical pain? Do you associate physical pain with a painful emotion?

Are you avoiding shame, anger, or resentment? Does working on “the thing” remind you of how unfair life is?

If you are not where you want to be, I have a couple of songs I highly recommend. Better than most drugs for temporary relief.

But if you are not where you want to be AND you are not doing the things you know you should be doing to move your life in a positive direction, you have the ability to change it.

But first, you must choose your playbook for “well-being”.

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