Why do we do what we do?

“Good” behavior or “bad”, if progress is a high priority, it’s an essential question.

Are you doing what you need to do to make progress?

If not, you aren’t alone. I think we have all had a time in our lives when we lacked confidence in our ability to do the things we knew we “should” be doing.

So, why do we do the things we don’t want to do? And not do what we know will move us forward?

Tony Robbins talks about this exact predicament, linking this back to one human need…certainty.

Tony brings up a classic scenario: lying to someone to maintain the certainty of the relationship’s outcome. You may wholeheartedly believe that “lying” is bad, yet we will forsake honesty to maintain the certainty of the relationship.

Doing what we know we shouldn’t do, but do anyway.

Now, before you reject the idea that you fit this mold, when was the last time you complimented someone for something you didn’t believe to be true? Or, told someone you were “fine” when you weren’t? Of these instances, how often did you deviate toward dishonesty to avoid potential “rejection”? I am going out on a limb here, but I am inclined to believe we have all been there.

So again, I ask, why do we do what we know we shouldn’t do, and not do the things that will move us forward?

Now, there is always nuance and this is no exception. Values also play a role. For example, if you value authenticity MORE than you value love/acceptance/relationship, you might choose to tell someone the truth.

Moral of the story

There is no right/wrong, or good/bad. The question is, why do YOU do what YOU do?

Why do you (sometimes) lie?

Why do you skip your workouts/therapy?

Why do you smoke, drink, and/or eat high-calorie-nutrient-deprived foods?

Why do you sleep in, stay up late, binge Netflix, or buy things you can’t afford?

Why do you {insert suboptimal behavior})?

Is it possibly some sort of reliable feeling? Does said behavior affirm your “reliable” identity?

I have met many people “forced” into retirement due to an unexpected health challenge. Unfortunately, some of these folks decline pretty rapidly. But then there are the outliers. The 1%-ers who accept this new phase of life with the same passion they had with their career.

I recently met someone in his 80’s (not a patient) in this exact situation. “Forced” into retiring due to a “mobility issue”, which turned out to be the beginning of Parkinson’s disease. Yes, “forced” into retiring in his 80’s. But I digress….

In a few short months since his diagnosis, he had already researched everything possible about the disease, and changed his fitness routine. More than that, he seemed genuinely excited to tell me everything he had learned and how he was applying it.

You might think, as I did, this man is for sure going to either implode or explode. His entire reason for being was “stolen”. However, despite my effort to find the underlying “heat” that was sure to develop into a full-on forest fire, there was none. Not even a hint of “grief” over his situation. His demeanor read nothing other than…. “mission”.

“Growth”.

Forward motion.

Progress.

This is what gives life meaning.

Gratitude to this stranger for his impromptu masterclass on living versus “existing”. A life attached to “progress”, yet detached from “power, fame, wealth, and pleasure” (Idols that deplete “happiness” – Arthur Brooks’).

Here is the reality. Humans have infinite potential to change. Yet most of us choose not to. The pain of staying the same is far more comfortable. However, if you have breath in your lungs, you have the opportunity to live. But “living” is far harder than “existing”. It requires work. It requires self awareness. It requires discipline. It requires discomfort. It requires tolerance for uncertainty.

There are only two certainties in life. First is your end date. Second, you can be certain you will encounter discomfort, pain, suffering, and/or grief.

Do you want to thrive through the challenges of life or stagnate?

Are you feeling the pain of a disease?